i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
