wrigley field is MILF paradise
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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