At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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