Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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