Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
