and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize