I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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