i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
