I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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