Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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