So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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