you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
