Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
