I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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