if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
