Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize