My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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