I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
