I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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