If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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