i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
