ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
