i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
