if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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