i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Of course I have a pirate flag
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
