Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
