Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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