my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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