I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
