Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
