he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
