too bad you live with your parents still
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
