Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Your tits are I can't wait for
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I understand Curling. That high.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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