i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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