Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
