There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize