did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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