so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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