Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
