I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
