I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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