Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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