had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
