He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
