Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
