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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
