we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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