i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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