Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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