I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
