Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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