Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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