I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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