you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
