She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
