I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
