Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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