I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
