Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize