Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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