Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've blown a few things in my day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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