my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
