Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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