Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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