And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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