He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
