You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize