saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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