I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
