there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize