He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
