i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
