it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
