That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
