Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
