make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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