I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
