I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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