every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
