3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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