The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
