note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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