if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize