I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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