I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
