i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
