Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
