I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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