i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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