dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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