Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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