hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
