so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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