i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize