Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
