He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize