Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
