I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
