I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
