So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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