So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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