i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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