Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
