hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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