I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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