Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The ass gains better be worth it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize