So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
