You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
