I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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