Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
