It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
