I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
