Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
