Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
