we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
