then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
