By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
