The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
