He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
