So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
