If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
