While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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