You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
