Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
