i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
